Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
