He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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