I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
