I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
