he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude i'm inner monologue high
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
