the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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