In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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