you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
