The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
