wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
