Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Say something about gay babies.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
