why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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