You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
