im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
