I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
