So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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