hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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