I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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