Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
