I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
