i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Randomize
