Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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