I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
