Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
