The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
