I faked an abortion last night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
