the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
