I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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