he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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