You really coming over, don't trick.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
