can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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