Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
