i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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