The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
