You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
