Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Randomize
