These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
