Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
