I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
