thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
