My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
