My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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