The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
