I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
