Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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