The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
