I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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