he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
