Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
