Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
