His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
