First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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