I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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