I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
