I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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