In the future we'll all be gay
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
two words: eviction party
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize