she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
