I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
