I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
