I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it's like heaven, but drunker
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
