They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize